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Food Allergies and the Preteen
Years: Staying
Alive
by Susan Mechanic, AAIA member, QC
Published in AAIA Quebec News, September 1999.
The pre-teen years are transition years for children with severe
food allergies. These are the years when Mom and Dad slowly relinquish
their roles as mediators between their child and the world. The
goal: to give their child the vital opportunities to master the
survival skills that will keep him or her safe while away from home.
In my own case, my daughter has watched me safety-proof her world
for nearly twelve years. I do not wish to downplay her role in protecting
herself. Nonetheless, like every parent, I've been the one who has
phoned companies to ascertain ingredients, phoned other parents
about birthday party menus, shopped for groceries, etc. Now, as
my daughter approaches her twelfth birthday, it is time for her
to put years of observation to use and begin doing these things
for herself. If not now, when?
The help of other parents will smoothe her transition to independence.
For example, let's assume it is your child's birthday party and
one of the guests has a serious food allergy. Let's assume this
is a child you've known for years. How does it feel when that child
asks you if she may read the labels of the food you have prepared?
Hard not to feel that this child doesn't trust you, right? Wrong.
Remember that this is not a trust issue. Remember that this child
has learned that she will stay alive if the rules are obeyed,
everywhere, every time.
Every parent of an allergic child will tell you the near-horror
stories of the time they or another family member nearly made a
bad call, an oversight or a really bad mistake. Since labels can
change when production lines change, what was safe in October might
not be safe in April. My daughter knows that I love her beyond measure.
She also knows that I make mistakes. Who would think an ice pop
has a "may contain peanuts/nuts" warning. If my daughter
hadn't asked me to read the label, I wouldn't have known. Hence
the "everywhere; every time" rule.
Back to the birthday party scenario. No matter how careful you
think you are, and how sincere your assurances are, you have to
remember that your house does not work the way my daughter's house
does. Because of the issue of cross-contamination (the knife that
cut the tuna sandwich also cut the peanut butter one), the food-allergic
cannot be sure of anything. In my daughter's house there is no nut,
peanut or peanut/nut by-product to be found anywhere. That's why
our houses are different and my child knows it. Hence the rule.
So, how can you help? Easy. When you see a youngster at this awkward
in-between stage trying to reach for independence remember if
now now, when? If you feel insulted because you think the child
doesn't feel at home in your house, remember that when it comes
to food, they are not really at home anywhere (besides home, of
course). Please keep in mind that these adolescents are the ones
who feel goofy and awkward and left out. They can't bear to hurt
your feelings. They want and need their friends now more than ever.
A few final words: my physiotherapist, the last person I want to
offend, invited me to her house for lunch, which turned out to be
a poached salmon salad. I explained that I recently discovered that
I am seriously allergic to salmon, and that without an EpiPen®
handy, I might die if I ate it. She insisted on taking out the minute
pieces of flaked fish. I explained, feeling like an insufferable
ingrate, that the smallest amount would make me very sick.
I never understood my daughter's challenges more than when I was
in her shoes. You get the point. In an ideal world, friends want
what is best for you. And for kids with serious food allergies,
"best" always means "safe".
National Office:
Allergy/Asthma Information Association
Box 100, Toronto, Ontario M9W 5K9
Phone (416) 679-9521 or 1-800-611-7011 Fax: (416) 679-9524
www.aaia.ca
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of Use: The information
on this site does not constitute medical advice and is for your
general information only. We cannot be held responsible for anything
you could possibly do or say because of information on this site.
Consult your family physician or allergist for specific questions
or concerns.
This article courtesy of the Allergy/Asthma
Information Association at www.aaia.ca and the Calgary Allergy Network
web site at www.calgaryallergy.ca. May be reproduced for educational,
non-profit purposes with proper attribution.
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